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Frozen Review

Posted on March 23, 2011 at 5:57 PM Comments comments (2)

8 Headshots/ 10


No One Knows You're Up There


Directed by Adam Greene

Starring Emma Bell, Shawn Ashmore, Kevin Zegers

Release Date 2010

Whats it about?

3 skiers get trapped on a ski lift overnight, in the middle of a storm, surrounded by killer wolves.

The Movie

You should know Adam Greene from his ultra violent throwback to slashers HATCHET already but if you dont, well the guys a good director. Frozen is not that type of film though. Frozen follows a group of three college kids taking a ski break on a less then legit mountain resort. The characters themselves are very likeable and I actually felt for them in this film. They get forgot about on the ski lift, party due to their own stupid decision and the even stupider ski lift operators and the events just get worse and worse for our heroes. The pacing is well done, mixed with alot of tension and "what if" scenarios as well as some plain chilling moments. Like I said, you feel for these characters and some of the terrible stuff that happens to them is really well done. Their is violence here but its not the main focus, we are meant to feel more uncomfortable then scared and the movie does that great with well done shots, decent music, and those damn likeable actors. There is bad though. Well not bad but just kinda stupid. The characters like any horror movie, dont make the greatest decisions. But these decsions have to be made in this case. They are trapped afterall for one week in a storm...so its either freeze to death or take risky decisions, which is why I can forgive the "stupid" choices. Another kinda "meh" factor was this pack of killer wolves that were relentless. Yeah I get that their in the wildreness but it was a bit extreme at times. And for the final gripe, one of the main characters is just thrown away without an afterthought or explanation. It explains visually what happened but the execution was terrible for such a main character.


Violence Report

Ok wolf aftermath scene, really really good double leg snap. Other then that nada besides a few spots of blood.

Eye Candy

Nothing

Verdict

Really good movie thats easy to follow, good pacing, great acting, and a chilling situation.

Survival of the Dead Review

Posted on August 29, 2010 at 2:02 PM Comments comments (0)

5 Headshots/10


Death Isn't What It Used To Be


Directed by George A Romero

Starring Alan Van Sprang, Kenneth Welsh, Kathleen Munroe

Release Date 2009


Whats it about?

On an island off the coast of North America, local residents simultaneously fight a zombie epidemic while hoping for a cure to return their un-dead relatives back to their human state.


The Movie

Survival of the Dead is the 6th OF THE DEAD film that Romero has made. The guy is a horror legend who is the Godfather of modern zombies. Say what you will about his lastest films (they suck for the most part) but that doesnt take away from the guy's genious work (the original trilogy of the dead films). Survival follows a group of AWOL soliders who are looking for a place to start over, and along their journey they meet some people that eventually leads them to an Island where two clans of families have been feauding for years. Their latest feud has to do with both familes different views of what should be done with the zombies. One wants to eradicate them the other wants to keep them around and make them docile. The plot itself is interesting enough. Its just that Romero doesnt really seem he knows exactly what theme he wants Survival to be. Is it respect for the dead? letting go of old prejeduces? Greed? Anti War? All those and more come up at random times and dont do anything to move the plot in a distinct direction. Its ok to have multiple themes but not a good idea to just through in views just for the sake of having them. For example the whole movie goes along not talking about anti war..until the last monolouge the main character starts talking about it, and doesnt mention a thing about what we thought was the main theme of the film. The acting in this was good for the most part. It is a lower budget film but the actors all play their parts well. It was full of stereotypical characters though and stupidly played out soldiers. We have the tough lesbian that masturbates in front of dudes, the smart ass SGT, the smug kid that thinks hes tough, and the latino soldier that thinks hes suave. Add to that the way the soldiers were shown was stupid as fuck. Dog tags hanging out, stickers on their weapons (me being a soldier myself its just funny to see this..do some fucking research). so we have the plot and the acting down. Now to one of the most important parts of a zombie film....the zombies. The zombies were great. Very well done makeup and they all acted well. Another bad aspect was the comedy. I appreaciate the other DEAD films for their black comedy but this one just tried to hard. The gags were forced and were their just for "comedic" value. Lighting a zombie unfire then lighting your CIG on his face? C'mon Romero. It just made the zombies looks like comedy set pieces then scary monsters. One last thing, this is a zombie film so you want alot of feasts. This film didnt have them. It had one classic rip a body apart scene and another man getting scalped but apart from some generic not gory bits..nada.


Violence Report

Lots of headshots, bland generic bites, one feast scene, a good scalp scene. Bland for a zombie film


Eye Candy

Apart from the cute lesbian nothing


Verdict

A plot that would lose its direction frequently, skimpy gore, cheesy moments/gags. Average film


Feast ll: Sloppy Seconds Review

Posted on August 25, 2010 at 2:21 PM Comments comments (0)

2 Headshots/ 10


They're Back and Still Hungry!


Directed by John Gulager

Starring Jenny Wade, Diane Goldner, Cassie Watson

Release Date 2008


Whats it about?

Feast 2 picks up where FEAST left off. The monsters have not attacked a small town and our survivors from the first film are caught up in the shitty films mix.


The Movie

Feast 1 was awesome. It knew what it was and just ran with it. Ultra violent, smart/witty, full of good likeable characters and a great location and plot to go along with it. Feast 2 however, fucking sucks. I knew a followup coulnt match up to the first but I had no idea that they were going to ruin what they had going for it, and just plain suck. In this one our monsters have moved into a bigger area (a small town) and pretty much do the same thing they did in the first film just on a a bigger scale with more people (all of which are still shitheads). The acting is subpar for the most part, having midgets just to have midge stereoypes, whorish women just to show boobs etc etc. The main problem with Feast ll is that it tried to hard to mimic its parent film. The first knew what it was but didnt try hard to be gross or funny. This one did. Had way too many gags for gags sake, shocks for shocks sake, and plain one lining characters just o have one liners. Which distracted me way to much from the abundance of violent over the top gore. Which for the most part was well done. We did have some terrible CGI at some points but nothing too major. The shocks they tried to put it just came off as distatefull. A infant being eaten by the monsters? How in anyones mind is that funny?


Violence Report

Lots of gross out gags, blood, mutilations.


Eye Candy

Man girl is a hotty, some boobs shown nothing too great though.


Verdict

Bad acting, bad plot, bad script, bad film.


Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 Review

Posted on August 25, 2010 at 1:53 PM Comments comments (0)

2 Headshots/ 10


Family Is Forever


Directed by Rob Zombie

Starring Malcom McDowell, Sheri Moon Zombie, Scout-Taylor Compton

Release Date 2009


Whats it about?

Another remake to the original Halloween 2 film. Just as bad as the last remake. Michale Myers continues to carve a path of killings on his way to finding his sister


The Movie

Theres not too much positive things I can say about Rob Zombies first Halloween, noir do I have too many good things to say about his folloup. And I like Zombies REJECTS series. So, I'll start off with whats good about H2. The bodycount. Alot of people die in this film which is exactly what Myers is good at. Killing people in brutal ways, and in that aspect the film delievers. Other then that one good part, well there's two seeing that theirs alot of cameos from genre actors in this. But other then those 2 things.Well 3 things, Malcolm McDowell is the man and always will be. The film fucking sucks. I hated it. The plot moves along but is just hampered by a terrible script, bad acting, and way too many sill moments/plot lines that you can get away with in a pg-13 slasher but not a HARD R Michale fucking Myers film. The acting by the females is just too unrealistic. I didnt beleive a second that these little girls were tough distraught women.  Add to the stupidness of the movie is Myers himself. The man is pure evil and it works. You can just sense the menace coming off the guy. You just know if both of you enter a room, hes the one coming out leaving you a bloody broken mess. This films Myers still has that menace but they add too many "human" qualities to him. He grunts (Myers doesnt grunt), he takes off his mask...... and his TALKS! Myers doesnt need to say a damn thing to be scary! Hes a silent huge meancing killer on a mission to kill as many people as possible...he doesnt need anything else but that.


Violence Report

Head crunch, people being thrown around, stabbings lots of great FX and blood.


Eye Candy

We get some sets of boobs. Nothing to write home about

 

Verdict

Good violence/body count, unrealistic characters, bad use of Myers, bad script....bad film.


 

 



 

 

The Beyond Review

Posted on August 25, 2010 at 1:05 PM Comments comments (0)

7 Headshots/10


Directed by Lucio Fulci

Starring Catriona MacColl, David Warbeck,  Cinzia Monreale

Release Date 1981


Whats it about?

A naive blonde woman inherits an old hotel in Louisiana where after a series of supernatural 'accidents', she learns that the building was built over one of the entrances to Hell.


The Movie

The Beyond is a perfect of example of "they dont make em like they used to". The film is a classic horror film in every sense. Dumb character decisions, fantastic gore, great bad guys, tension, viloence etc etc. Its also, in my opinion, one of Fulci's best films. The story is a straight forward horror flick (if sometimes bare and a big dragging at times). The pacing, even with a few hangups, is well done and continues to movie along and get the story done with a nice mixture of brutal slayings thrown into it. The FX in this film is fantastic. It makes you yearn for the days when ever effect was practical (instead of the dependance of CGI). When blood and guts were a brutal as possible and hell, a bad practical gag is better anyday then terrible CGI. Like I said the plot is pretty straightforward with our main (idiot) girl inheritying an old ass hotel and decides to fix it up. Which results in everyone dying that comes to help out. My only gripe with movie is that our main male figure figures our very soon that in order to kill the zombies, you have to shoot them in the head. He practices this on more then a few zombies. But for some reason the twat starts shooting them in the stomach and wonders why their not dying. Its not like hes far away and cant shoot for shit, he actually runs up and shoots them in the gut at point blank range! The acting in this film is pretty well done and everyone does their jobs, weather its being a fucking idiot or getting murdered in a brutal way.


Violence Report

Lots of bullet hits, stabbings, acid melting, alot of great bloody violence in this. Not to be missed.


Eye Candy

The main girl is cute enough and I think we get a pair of boobs, must have been not that great if I cant remember.


Verdict

Great violence and FX, great directing with decentpacing makes this a horror film to see.


Infestation Review

Posted on June 27, 2010 at 3:53 PM Comments comments (0)

5 Headshots/10


You Will Be Infected


Directed by Kyle Rankin

Starring Chris Marquette, Brooke Nevin

Release Date 2009


Whats it about?

A slacker douchebag kinda guy wakes up in a cacoon in a world that has been taken over by alien bugs


The Movie

Infestation's story gives the film tons of oppurtunites at having tons of gross out moments seeing that its about oversized bugs eating people and whatnot. But it doesnt really take advantage of it. To start off the movie is more of a corky comedy with bugs/horror aspects then it is a straight up horror film. Which also makes the lacking of gross out gag moments dissapointing becasue seeing that its already not taking itself seriouslly, they could have gotten away with filling it with sick shit. Instead the majority of the bug killing is just alittle bit of bug goo (the kind you see when you step on one yourself). ...which sucked. As for the comedy parts, the movie was funny. The chacter was a cluseless slacker that is sarcastic at all moments. The supporting cast does their parts well enough too (tought chick, ditsy chick, tough guy, dickhead guy). The other main problem I had with the film, other then the lack of gore and sick stuff, was that it tried to add to much into the story for its own good. We didnt need tons of characters having their own stories which led to side quests. But they added it in. The CGI in this film, while full of it, is surprisingly well done and didnt really have any cringe worthy bad FX at all. The pace of the story movied at a medium speed but was lagged down by the side stories of the characters that nobody cared about. So, on a whole the movie dissapointed me with majority of characters being forgetable yet having side stories, wasted oppurtunies at gags, and sloppy plot.


Violence Report

Some bugs getting stabbed, some blown up bugs and a couple of light violence towards people.


Eye Candy

The main girl is cuted and the ditsy dumb blonde tries to seduce the dumb lead with some boobies.


Verdict

Good concept, enjoyable lead character, wasted gag oppurtunites, light on the violence. Ok to play as background noise with the occastional glance.


The Final Destination Review

Posted on June 23, 2010 at 1:03 AM Comments comments (0)


6 Headshots/ 10


Rest In Pieces


Directed By David R. Ellis

Starring Bobby Campo, Shantel VanShanten, Nick Zano, Haley Webb

Release Date 2009


Whats it about?

Once again a person sees the death's of him and his friends before they happen, he saves them for the time being only to have death hunt each of them down.


The Movie

If your familiar with the other final destination films then you already know how this movie will play out. A bunch of people seemingly get killed... but "thankfully" one "lucky" person sees it before it happens and is able to save his buddies and a few other stereotypes from their fate, only to be slaughtered in worse ways. The characters themselves are the typical early 20's people. The nice guy with the nice girl, the popular dick with the "I still dont believe in this although everyones dying" girl.... and some fill in characters just for a death. The deaths themselves are jokes in this movie.. literally. We have a mom saying "Ive got my eye on you" seconds before she gets a rock in the eye. So the movie seems like a cash in gimic but at the same time are fun (thats demented). The deaths, which is what this movie is about, are very eleaborate but they seemed toned down since the previous FD3 (best of the series). We get alot of deaths where the carnage is only hinted at.. which works, but is different from the other films who usually have the blood on screen as it happens.  All in all the movie does what its promisies to do, have people die. But the way they pull alot of them off lacked the "everyday activities" feel. The 3D aspect of the film was fun, we get pieces of stuff flying at the screen, fire coming at you, some blood, and some bouncing breasts. The actors played their parts well and when we do get to look at the violence in action its gruesome. Just felt like it was more tame then the rest of the series and was too aware of itself. Which is either good (making it just a fun entertaining movie) or bad (if you want it to be a straight up horror film)


Violence Report

Lots of blood, brutal slayings, fun 3D stuff.


Eye Candy

We get the main girl wakling around in underwear, some bouncing boobs in a sex scene (in 3D :)


Verdict

Fun in 3D, same characters as the other films, exact plot (cant really change it though) gimicky deaths. Overall a fun film that might bring you back for a followup.


Final Destination films ranking

Final Destination 3

Final Destination (1)

The Final Destion (4)

Final Destination 2

Zombie Bloodbath Trilogy

Posted on June 20, 2010 at 6:03 PM Comments comments (0)

7 Headshots/ 10


Directed by Todd Sheets

Starring Dave Miller

Release Date 1995


Whats it about?

The Zombie Bloodbath Trilogy is about...umm. Alot of stuff is going on. Murderers, zombies, canibals, everything. No plots


The Movies

If you want to rate these a real movies with real plots and whatnot then these are terrible. If you want to rate them for their entertainment value then they are good. Sorry if that doesnt make sense. You will at least enjoy these if you are a gorehound. Likewise if your looking to get grossed out by overthetop gore, bad dubbing, and terrible acting then you will be pleased. I dont know.. if you sit back and know beforehand that these movies are gona suck, and you just prepare yourself to have a good time then you will enjoy these. Otherwise if you come into it wanting to watch good movies then you will be let down.Thers a few laughs in here that you will enjoy as well. So sit back and prepare for lots of blood and guts, some funny moments, terrible acting and bad plots.Its just one of those films that are very fun, gross, and stupid as hell


Violence Report

Tons of blood, gross body parts being ripped, impalings, stabbings, everything. Great gorehound times


Eye Candy

There are some boobs bouncing around, but most of the nudity has something violent/disturbing coming with it.


Verdict

Stupid as hell movies, terrible acting, ultra violent. Greatly entertaining

 



Drag Me To Hell Review

Posted on June 20, 2010 at 3:46 PM Comments comments (0)

4 Headshots/ 10


Directed by Sam Raimi

Starring Alison Lohman, Justin Long

Release Date 2009


Whats it about?

A very sweet girl is cursed by a gypsi when she doesnt give her a bank loan. Where she has a few days of torment before she is taken to hell. What a bitch right?


The Movie

I had extremely high hopes for this film. Im a huge fan/nerd of Sam Raimi's horror films (back when he was the man) and by the looks of the trailer and the plot line it looked like Raimi was giving his horror nerd fans what we had been asking/hoping for for years....sadly.....the movie sucked. To get the goods out of the way, the acting was fantastic. Justin Long plays the loveable boyfriend that you cant help but like, and Alison Lohman plays the sweet innocent girl that you cant help but feel bad for. So that worked very well. The supporting cast of characters all did their jobs well. The crazy gypsy, the people into black magic, the asshole bank boss etc etc. Now on to what made this film suck. For the first 75% of the film it was all full of cheap jump scares which in my opinion is good in moderation, but not the sole thing to try to scare you. The film didn have a few gross out moments but these were dumbed down with terrible CGI effects. Which is dumb because Raimi's EVIL DEAD FILMS are full of great practical FX, so it's stupid that he would rely on CGI. Thats just lazy filmaking to me. The film started to pick up toward the end where I really got the classic Raimi horror style feeling. It started mixing slapstick comedy with horror, which really worked for this film. The plot always moved along at a steady pace, mixing feel bad for the girl moments, bad cgi scares or gross outs, and the leads trying to figure out how the fuck to get this demon out of their lives. The twist was seen from a mile away but it was still a good one.


Violence Report

Some classic gross outs, TERRIBLE CGI FX ruins the violence in this film

 

 Eye Candy

The main girl is a cutie but nothing in this film


Verdict

Terrible CG, wasted premise, great acting. Good for a once over but nothing warranting a follow up viewing.





Trick 'R' Treat Review

Posted on June 18, 2010 at 12:40 PM Comments comments (0)

3 Headshots/ 10


Poison, Drowning, Claw or Knife. So Many Ways To Take A Life


Directed by Michael Dougherty

Starring Dylan Baker, Rochelle Aytes, Quinn Lord, Lauren Lee Smith

Release Date 2008


Whats it about?

4 different stories come together on halloween night in a town where shit always seems to happen. Should have moved?


The Movie

 Trick 'R' Treat is one of those films that has a trailer that makes it look great, but when you actually get the movie...its not. The story follows a bunch of different groups through their different experiences on halloween night. The main problem I had with the film were the 4 stories. All of them were very sloppy and thrown together. And the transitions from story to story didnt flesh together well. Which sucks becasue a few of the side stories were demented a creepy, but were ruined by the sloppy writing and bad pacing. The goods were the whole film was one big homage to halloween and other horror films, which made the movie very fun to watch even with the problems. The acting was done well enough, we had some very cool/creepy villians and corky characters that helped with the fun factor aspect. To make a comparison the film played out like a bunch of Outer Limits episodes strung together into one movie.


Violence Report

Very creepy villians, some stabbings, hangings, some random blood


Eye Candy

We get some minor flesh but nothing great


Verdict

Go into it not expecting much and you should enjoy it. More of background movie as you do something else.

 


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